TABITHA'S COUSIN NEVILLE
by justincbenedict
Summary: So, it's hard when you have to bring your geeky cousin to school. Harder still when your cousin is a geeky wizard-warlock with an attitude problem.


Kevin saw her and he grinned. Angus, Kev's chubby friend, shook his head dispiritedly. "Dude, give it up. Tabitha Stevens is so out of reach." They were leaning against the Pepsi Machine in front of D.D. Eisenhower High, hoping that they were not noticed by playful football team guys, who had used the two in an impromptu "dwarf tossing" contest the day before.

"But she's really nice, Gus, and that's just as good as a real relationship." Kevin shook his head, as if trying to process this REALLY moronic and dishonest self-statement. Still, Tabby was really sweet, and Angus himself was fond of her, and had given her Precalculus tutoring for two full years, not charging the price that he did the more athletic students.

Kevin was a literary nerd, and therefore useless academically to Tabitha. But he really, really liked her, and sometimes they had long talks…on the phone, or on the street.

Tabitha now was apparently with a short, chubby dude with thick glasses and—was that a bow tie?

As Tabitha approached, she tossed her gleaming blonde hair, and gave both boys a huge smile, and the little round fellow sort of accompanied her silently, squeezing along in hideous plaid pants probably bought in the Montgomery Ward Basement Sale.

"Kevin, Angus, this is my cousin Neville…he's new at Eisenhower!" Tabby gave Kevin (he liked to think it was for him) a dazzling smile, and the little fellow pouted.

"I was hoping you guys might show him around a little bit. Neville's never been to an um, normal high school before."

"Nor do I need to be" muttered Neville. Kevin saw Neville's eyes widen appreciatively as Kyra Kendricks and the other cheerleaders sashayed by. "But perhaps formal education has its compensations."

Whatever. Kevin would show Genghis Khan around if Tabitha asked him to.

"Cool, it's great you're here. Shame we don't have the same schedule, I could show you all around. Gus and I have kind of a predictable schedule."

Tabitha gave her pudgy cousin a significant look, and Neville rolled his eyes, much the way Angus often did. Then, Neville reached into his pocket and pulled out a sheet. "This is my schedule…perhaps we have the same classes, after all, Kevin."

"What…you haven't even registered…you…have the same schedule." Kevin's eyes widened at the little paper, and Angus's behind him. Neville's schedule was identical to Kevins—first period, World Literature, then Ceramics, after that American History 102, right down to the advanced Cello class Kevin had just gotten into.

"Do you…you play cello? Really? I had to really audition for this class."

"True dat." Angus said, staring at Neville. "He's been playing violin, viola and cello, our Kevin has, since second grade, and done four music camps."

"Do-you—you don't play music?" Tabby gazed at her cousin.

"I'll pick it up somehow." Neville said airily. He turned to Angus. "Writing a paper on Copernicus, are you? His theories on celestial spheres were robbed by m—someone very close to me. Nic just had no original thought. You might as well trash it."

"How…I haven't posted the paper anywhere, you, you're weird." With this quick judgment, Angus made a slow jog to first period.

"Neville, you promised me and Mom you'd at least try to um, mainstream." Tabitha said severely. "Please, just TRY."

"I cannot imagine why Aunt Samantha wants me enrolled in an institutional troglodyte training camp. " Neville said, annoyed. "I am fluent in French, Sanskrit, number theory, Newtonian physics—"

"I know, you know everything. But you need to socialize. It'll be really good for you." Tabitha insisted with vigor.

"I have necked with Cleopatra, felt up Joan of Arc, and given a hickey to Madame Curie—"

Kevin wondered if Tabitha was all that wonderful…was dealing with a lunatic worth this?

But Tabitha was so beautiful!

Turning, she reached out a small hand and tugged Kevin's windbreaker. She leaned over and whispered "I'm not asking you to be his best friend, but you're both—"

"Geeks." Kevin said, hypnotically breathing in her apricot perfume.

"Well, really brainy, and if you can just give him a little help—"

"You won't have to be bothered with him when you're hanging out with your boyfriend and the cheerleaders." But as he said it, Kevin gave Tabitha a reluctant wink. She knew she'd won.

After she'd departed, Kevin looked at Neville, about to tell him to get moving for the first class, but then he noticed Hunky Hodges and the other Eisenhower Enforcers ambling up.

"Shit, Neville, I'm really sorry, but these guys may make trouble for us, and on your first day, too."

Kevin was a skinny, weedy bespectacled geek, but he was Brad Pitt next to Neville, who could easily be elected emperor of the Nerds. Hunky came up to them, with Cameron Farnesworth and Tex Gillis right behind him.

"Kevin…how's dork life today…queer enough?" Hunky reached out and shoved Kevin slightly, and Kevin, attempting to stand his ground, buckled easily.

"An' who's this?" Tex asked nastily, "The Pillsbury Dough-Boy?" He reached out to tweak Neville's bow tie.

"No, you are." Neville said complacently.

A moment later Kevin wiped his face, for the three football players had gone, and instead there was a troika of clay like figures, giant things, and pale white, wearing chef's caps.

Kevin decided it was time to get to class.


End file.
